I can tell you, going out to buy toilet paper in the U.S. is a completely predictable experience.

- Evan Osnos

I like getting toilet paper thrown at me.

- Joel Madden

I married a man who isn't afraid to wash a dish, scrub a toilet, or have his unibrow waxed into submission by a licensed professional.

- Jen Lancaster

You know, I've been to some superstars' houses, and I've been really disgusted when I see their platinum discs hanging in the toilet. They're just there on the walls glaring at you when you're trying to be occupied with other things.

- John Lydon

When someone follows you all the way to the shop and watches you buy toilet roll, you know your life has changed.

- Jennifer Aniston

If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet.

- Jay Leno

Well, I don't use the toilet much to pee in. I almost always pee in the yard or the garden, because I like to pee on my estate.

- Iggy Pop

It's not hard to tell we was poor - when you saw the toilet paper dryin' on the clothesline.

- George Lindsey

I, made in England, felt excluded, miffed, resistant to the idea of even visiting India, a position of increasing absurdity as, one by one, backpacking friends returned from the place with the standard anecdotal combo of nirvanic epiphany and toilet horror.

- Glen Duncan

Yup, the toilet is my best friend before a show.

- Eric Carr

You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.

- Alan King

I was the only westerner to succeed in a place that's like a toilet, and you always come out of a toilet with a smell.

- David Reuben

I visited a new cultural center in Shanghai in 2005 that was pretty much perfect, except for the really badly translated Chinglish signs: a handicapped restroom that said 'Deformed Man's Toilet,' that kind of thing.

- David Henry Hwang

Endangered forests are being slaughtered for toilet paper.

- Daphne Zuniga

Where do you get lumpy tiles? Well, of course, you don't. But I get a lot of toilets, and so you just dispatch a toilet with a hammer, and then you have lumpy tiles.

- Dan Phillips

I was sitting in the toilet and I was by myself. I was tired of playing with the roller, so I said I'd better write a book.

- Don Rickles

You can flush my ashes down the toilet, for all I care.

- Carolyn Gold Heilbrun

Maybe humans are just the pet alligators that God flushed down the toilet.

- Chuck Palahniuk

You know you're big when you sit in the bathtub and the water in the toilet rises.

- Art Donovan

Well, I've thought many times when my career was in the toilet, that I was going to have to seriously consider getting another job, I don't know what I'd do.

- Aaron Eckhart