More coming out about Saddam Hussein. We now know he takes Viagra and he has as many as six mistresses. No wonder Congress is reluctant to take action against this guy - he's one of their own.

- Jay Leno

In America, we like everyone to know about the good work we're doing anonymously.

- Jay Leno

The crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other day the Statue of Liberty had both hands up.

- Jay Leno

According to New York publishers, Bill Clinton will get more money for his book than Hillary Clinton got for hers. Well, duh. At least his book has some sex in it.

- Jay Leno

If I have one advantage, it's that I will try to work harder than the next guy.

- Jay Leno

My stockbroker asked me something important today: paper or plastic?

- Jay Leno

People don't mind if you have a lot of money if they know you're working for it.

- Jay Leno

Politics is just show business for ugly people.

- Jay Leno

You aren't famous until my mother has heard of you.

- Jay Leno

You're not famous until my mother has heard of you.

- Jay Leno

I think high self-esteem is overrated. A little low self-esteem is actually quite good. Maybe you're not the best, so you should work a little harder.

- Jay Leno

Nineteen percent of doctors say that they'd be able to give their patients a lethal injection. But they also went on to say that the patient would have to be really, really behind on payments.

- Jay Leno

The best way to ruin a comedy is to throw a lot of money at it.

- Jay Leno

Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution.

- Jay Leno

Do you know what White House correspondents call actors who pose as reporters? Anchors.

- Jay Leno

I was in the ROTC. Of course, ROTC stood for 'Running off to Canada.'

- Jay Leno

If God doesn't destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology.

- Jay Leno

The Bush administration said today there is a lot of support for us to attack Iraq. Exxon, Mobil, Texaco, Chevron, they're all lining up.

- Jay Leno

The Pentagon still has not given a name to the Iraqi war. Somehow 'Operation Re-elect Bush' doesn't seem to be popular.

- Jay Leno

Today, one year after their divorce, Pamela and Tommy Lee announced they're getting back together. You know what that means? There's still hope for Ike and Tina Turner.

- Jay Leno