Quotes from Louie Anderson


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We were on welfare when we were kids. Thanks for reminding me of that.


When I say, 'I can't stay long, I'm in-between meals,' that plays differently on the radio than it does in person. So I have to pick material that works because the words are funny, not just because of the images.


One time, I came off stage and a guy named Roman Decare, God rest his soul, he was a comic. 'Louie, if you do that family stuff, and you're a clean comic on stage, you'll become famous.' And, for some reason, a switch clicked, and I started doing the family stuff, and it became a giant part of my life.


I've been in Vegas. That's where you get into the money thing. Boy, you get greedy in Vegas, you know. That's the only place that you can bet $25, get it up to $500 and refuse to quit.


I have about 1,000 hours of myself on tape in a vault in Los Angeles. But I also have a photographic memory about my jokes, because they're really about me; they're my stories.


Dr. Phil was very helpful and caring. I believe he helped all of us there and watching how to better relate, understand, and communicate with our families and loved ones. Dr. Phil recommended reading my new book.


Well, isn't every successful person in every family the bankbook?


If I have food in the house and I'm laying in bed, I go, 'I bet that Captain Crunch is lonely in the cupboard.'


I'm at 23 feet, diving into 17 feet of water. I'm over 400 pounds. Who doesn't want to see that? I do. I'm always shocked that I can do it.


I would trade everything I have to have had a happier childhood.


I was kind of a Rickles comic to begin with. I was caustic, and I was abusive and mean to the audience.


I was 10th of 11 kids in an alcoholic, abusive, poor family. We all want things that we can't have. And I found comedy.


I think I have always tried to connect my comedy to my art.


I started a big part of my career in Vegas.


You can't open anything after your 50. You have to wait 'til people stop by the house. 'Oh my God, I'm glad you're here.'


I felt ashamed for what I had done. I don't have any excuses. I did what I did. I take full responsibility for myself and my actions. I wouldn't pawn this off on anybody. I'm sorry it happened. And I hurt people.


Minnesotans really think they run the whole world, I love that.


I'm a 7 o'clock act. My people want to go to a show, a dinner and then go home and go to bed.


I can't stay long; I'm in between meals.


Everybody wanted to make it. One guy makes it. In a family when one guy makes it... 'Hey ain't you going to help us out?'