Don't think about anything for too long. Even if it's off-the-wall, go for it. You'll have a lot more fun in life.

- Chelsea Handler

You look at, like, a 'People' magazine, which used to be a really good, you know, nice magazine you could go to for real stories. It wasn't like a 'Star' or an 'US Weekly' and they have somebody with plastic surgery on the cover, Heidi Montag. And it's obviously what consumers want, because why else would they be doing it?

- Chelsea Handler

I don't like speaking publicly when I don't have to be funny.

- Chelsea Handler

I do think about marriage, but it's not the end-all goal.

- Chelsea Handler

I didn't become a comedian to work this hard.

- Chelsea Handler

I always thought to myself, 'I don't want to be doing stand-up when I'm 40 years old.'

- Chelsea Handler

Have you ever been sued by a midget? It's not fun.

- Chelsea Handler

Everything isn't permanent, so don't pretend that it is. Everything's supposed to move and shift.

- Chelsea Handler

Every time I had a book come out, I'm like, 'Is it going to be number one?'

- Chelsea Handler

Even my Mormon sister checks my rankings on Amazon.com.

- Chelsea Handler

E! has just become a sad, sad place to live. They don't know what they're doing; they have no ideas... everything they do just is a failure.

- Chelsea Handler

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

- Chelsea Handler

It's a dream come true to have someone else portray me. Because I've been living this life for a long time, and I'm over myself.

- Chelsea Handler

The challenge is to keep it fresh. If you're talking about Britney Spears over and over, it's very hard to keep that interesting.

- Chelsea Handler

People ask me why I'm so hard on men. It's because they've gotten a really easy ride. And it's not that I think women should take over the world. But I do think it should be 50/50.

- Chelsea Handler

I was tortured, and probably half of it was deserved, but I was bullied - so much so that there were days when I was like, 'I can't go to school today.' I was too scared.

- Chelsea Handler

We women have to stick together.

- Chelsea Handler

I love a stupid joke, something that doesn't make any sense.

- Chelsea Handler

We're seeking out such grossness in human behavior and want such mindless entertainment. 'The Real Housewives of Atlanta' and some of these other shows are more racist. Or '16 and Pregnant.' Getting rewarded for being pregnant when you're a teenager? Are you serious?

- Chelsea Handler

I like to celebrate my life. I have a life that I'm really lucky to have, and so I want to make sure every minute counts and that I go on great vacations and I share my memories with people that I love and that will make me laugh and lalalalalala.

- Chelsea Handler