When human beings stop progressing at an endeavor, they stop enjoying it and move on to something else. Not golfers. Masochists, all of them.

- Jay Mohr

If it has to sell its mascot, your team sucks.

- Jay Mohr

If it doesn't know what to charge you for nosebleed seats, your team sucks.

- Jay Mohr

I'm oddly not competitive. What I love about show business is there is a home for everyone.

- Jay Mohr

I was the youngest kid on my street, the youngest comic in the clubs. I always felt like I was playing catch-up. I was very angry.

- Jay Mohr

I never minded George Steinbrenner spending obscene amounts of money to put the best product on the field.

- Jay Mohr

But if applause throws off your timing, then you're not the kind of comedian I would like to see. All you have to do is stand there and take it.

- Jay Mohr

Marc Maron's podcast success has nothing to do with my podcast success. If I do a quarter of a million downloads, I can show that to an advertiser as a fact, and that's that.

- Jay Mohr

I wonder why there is a designated hitter in baseball after all these years? As an experiment, it seemed like a swell enough idea, but you would think the novelty would have worn off by now and everyone would get back to playing baseball.

- Jay Mohr

Why are baseball managers the only coaches who dress up like the players?

- Jay Mohr

I wasn't the guy everyone liked. I was the guy that wouldn't shut up.

- Jay Mohr

Unfortunately, there are no mulligans when it comes to pro football contracts.

- Jay Mohr

True Yankees are born, not made.

- Jay Mohr

I think I made a mistake once... yeah... it was only once.

- Jay Mohr

I hate golf. I do not understand how anyone can enjoy it, much less love it.

- Jay Mohr

Fantasy football is not only a good thing, but a great thing.

- Jay Mohr

You know how to tell if the teacher is hung over? Movie Day.

- Jay Mohr

I think golf is a waste of time and a waste of a sunny afternoon. I also stink at it. I have never found anything, including divorce and a sexual harassment suit, more frustrating.

- Jay Mohr

Not everyone likes sports. Gandhi and Malcolm X come to mind.

- Jay Mohr