Quotes from Bryan Callen


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Being in quite a few movies... there's always things that are changing about a film.


You go into an audition, you're either the one or you're not, and if you're not, you go home. And I kind of like that. If you're really good, and you're the best guy in the room that day, you get the job.


One of the beautiful things about podcasting is that I'm not beholding to some public entity.


My parents were really nice to me.


My dad's idea of punishment was to dress me up in all green to disguise me as grass, and then throw me in the pasture. Cows bit me all over.


It's always a shock to me when I get recognized.


If you're the Rolling Stones, you can sing 'Start Me Up' for 35 years, and people still cheer.


I'm always driven to keep doing something different and better.


I don't know much, but I like talking to people who know a lot more than I do.


I celebrate masculinity when I'm onstage.


Comedy is surprise. Comedy is not something that you can, necessarily, do twice.


Compare sending someone a text message and getting a love letter delivered by carrier pigeon. No contest.


As an actor, you're never busy enough.


Women find men attractive who are aggressive... but later on, they get worried that that aggression, that alpha energy, is going to be turned back against them and their children.


Stand-up comedy is all you. It's your show, it's your game. You control every aspect of it - of that experience and that expression. There's really nothing quite as satisfying.


Some comics really thrive on being disrespectful, especially toward women, and it's somehow understood as edgy, but I'm the opposite. I've never liked curse words for that reason.


If you actually get down to the nitty-gritty of the average Pakistani, the average Indian, the average whoever, what you really do know emotionally is that they're exactly the same.


There are so many hot, sexy women in L.A.


My point of view is that men are basically animals, and I'm okay with that.


I've always wanted to be a brooding, deep, dark artist, but I can never keep that facade going for more than 15 minutes.