What I learned, a little too late, was that the 'traditional' Martin Short target viewer weighs under 300 pounds. Unfortunately, I was on during daytime.

- Martin Short

You go through publicists because it's easy for a publicist to say to another publicist, 'No'.

- Martin Short

I've done lots of improv things but not a whole movie.

- Martin Short

I have sometimes imagined my own death and brought myself to tears.

- Martin Short

Sometimes people get passionate about the obscure jokes.

- Martin Short

One of my great influences was Don Knotts as Barney Fife.

- Martin Short

I've never done an improvised movie as a fictitious character. I think that's the challenge.

- Martin Short

I think loss can fuel how you lead your whole life.

- Martin Short

I know if I were to drop dead now, people would probably write nice things in the obit.

- Martin Short

I have a kind of objective luxury about my career.

- Martin Short

Being the youngest of five, you're adored, you're fueled with confidence.

- Martin Short

My mother was the concert master of the symphony. Absurdity and eccentricity were not criticized.

- Martin Short

All these things that enter your head are assignments. You write them up and then throw them out there and if someone wants to do it, your assignment is done.

- Martin Short

David Lynch and I almost made a movie together in the late '80s. We had lots of dinners and lunches. He's a very cool, hip guy. This film, let's face it, is like an homage to him, I would imagine he'd find it funny.

- Martin Short

You try to figure out things to keep yourself interested. It's very easy to get lulled.

- Martin Short

What's great about being a character actor is you know that you can survive forever. It's not about the gloss of your eyebrows.

- Martin Short

Someone once asked me what was the weirdest question I was ever asked. And I was stymied.

- Martin Short

People do think I'm Jewish. But we're Irish Catholic. My father had a brogue.

- Martin Short

I've chosen to treat my life more like a party than something to stress about.

- Martin Short

I pretend I'm one of the royal family when I'm in a hotel and that the hotel belongs to me - it is a palace.

- Martin Short