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Spike Milligan Quotes - IQDb - Internet Quotes Database

Quotes from Spike Milligan


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    How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.

    Funny | Army | Foot


    Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?

    Quietly


    I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.

    Hands | Prove | Friendly


    Money couldn't buy friends, but you got a better class of enemy.

    Money | Enemy | Class


    Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.

    Perfect | Order | Worn


    I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe's singing until somebody told me that it wasn't a joke.

    Singing | Joke | Somebody


    Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.

    Occasion


    It was a perfect marriage. She didn't want to and he couldn't.

    Marriage | Perfect


    It's all in the mind, you know.


    I'm a hero with coward's legs.

    Hero | Coward | Legs


    All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

    Money | Chance | Happy


    And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.

    God | Light | Thursday


    I can speak Esperanto like a native.

    Funny | Speak | Native


    I'm not afraid of dying I just don't want to be there when it happens.

    Afraid | Dying | Happens


    For ten years Caesar ruled with an iron hand. Then with a wooden foot, and finally with a piece of string.

    Hand | Iron | Foot


    Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

    Happiness | Money | Bring


    My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.

    Dad | Father | Influence


    A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

    Funny | Tree | Sure


    I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.

    Health | Body | Year


    I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.

    Reading | Mine | Poem


       

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