I don't know how doctors pick one specialty over another. Some you can understand. Pediatricians. Or gynecologists delivering babies, bringing a new life into the world, but how does someone want to be a proctologist? How can you fall in love with proctology?

- Bob Newhart

The first time I got up in front of an audience was terror, abject terror, which continued for another four or five years. There still is, a little bit.

- Bob Newhart

The schizophrenic has no sense of humor. His world is a constantly daunting, unfriendly place.

- Bob Newhart

I didn't know I was cool, but I was very flattered that some of the younger comedy writers came up to talk to me at the Emmys. I found that gratifying.

- Bob Newhart

I was never a Certified Public Accountant... I just had a degree in accounting. The reason I was never a Certified Public Accountant was because it would require passing a test, which I would not have been able to do.

- Bob Newhart

I was not influenced by Jack Benny, and people have remarked on my timing and Jack's timing, but I don't think you can teach timing. It's something you hear in your head.

- Bob Newhart

I love portraying the totally indifferent person.

- Bob Newhart

All comedians are, in a way, anarchists. Our job is to make fun of the existing world.

- Bob Newhart

I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'.

- Bob Newhart

The only way to survive is to have a sense of humour.

- Bob Newhart

I remember seeing a movie with Jose Ferrer and Rosemary Clooney where they were husband and wife, and they got in bed, and he had on polka-dot pajamas and she had on striped pajamas, and when they got up the next morning he had on the striped pajamas and she had the polka dot pajamas, and that was considered racy at that time!

- Bob Newhart

I worked in accounting for two and a half years, realized that wasn't what I wanted to do with the rest of my life, and decided I was just going to give comedy a try.

- Bob Newhart

I think one reason for a successful marriage is laughter. I think laughter gets you through the rough moments in a marriage.

- Bob Newhart

Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on.

- Bob Newhart

I'm most proud of the longevity of my marriage, my kids, and my grandchildren. If you don't have that, you really don't have very much.

- Bob Newhart

I think that what comes through in Chicago humor is the affection. Even though you're poking fun at someone or something, there's still an affection for it.

- Bob Newhart

Well, my career choice made a difference because I never would have met my wife, Jenny. I met her through comedian Buddy Hackett. He set us up on a blind date and then we got married.

- Bob Newhart

I've been told to speed up my delivery when I perform. But if I lose the stammer, I'm just another slightly amusing accountant.

- Bob Newhart

With the advent of cell phones, especially with the very small microphone that attach to the cell phone itself, it's getting harder and harder I find, to differentiate between schizophrenics and people talking on a cell phone.

- Bob Newhart

With the stand-up comic on TV, whether it's Seinfeld or Cosby or Roseanne, more important than their knowledge of how to tell a joke is their knowledge of themselves, or the persona they've created as themselves. So that when you're in a room with writers, you can say, 'Guys, that's a funny line, but I wouldn't say it.'

- Bob Newhart