Quotes from Zach Galifianakis


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American society loves to prop people up and then take them down.


I haven't been hit since Leon Spinks hit me in '92.


I've been happily dedicated to the same woman for a number of years. I never even look at other women.


I think comedy does have that powerful thing that doesn't seem too preachy because you're also making people laugh, so it's really kind of a good tool for messaging.


I try to write three jokes every day. I don't sit down and write them, it's just things that pop into my head. Then I'll go watch it fail onstage that night.


The congressmen and senators used to go have a drink in D.C. They would disagree all day long, but they would find that time to sit down and learn about each other personally. I think that's totally wiped out; I don't think it really exists anymore.


A good stand-up, you lead the audience. You don't kowtow to the audience. Sometimes the audience is wrong. I always think the audience is wrong.


I just try to keep myself a traditionalist. I liked being an underground comic doing my thing. I want to maintain that. I just do.


I get burned out on standup. But I like acting. I do like it. But sometimes you just feel like a monkey. You just feel like a complete tool. But I like it. I do like it. Stand-up is just more free. A lot more freedom because you just do what you want to do.


I am going to be the next Ryan Gosling.


I am not into publicity. I'm not good at it. I get anxiety about it.


Actually, I used to be a busboy in a strip joint in New York and so I hate strip joints. I'm not that kind of person.


There's more to life than being an actor in a Hollywood movie. I'm not going to adapt my life after that existence, where a lot of people do. And they get the publicist, and they get all that stuff, and it becomes them. I think it's a stupid way to live your life. A really dumb way to live your life.


People get TV deals by doing something in their grandmother's basement. It is definitely the wave. Everybody is trying to do all that stuff. I mean, the Internet is the only reason that I've gotten work is because I've somehow created a line and people have seen it. And then I've been asked to auditions.


I wish I could sit back and say, 'Oh, I'm gonna wait for a Merchant-Ivory film to come my way. Or Ivory-Merchant. Whatever it's called. But you just take what's given and then, hopefully, down the road you can be more choosy and only do, say, Wayans brothers movies. That's my goal: to be more Merchant-Ivory-Wayans.


As a comic, it's anti-comedy to be known. I think a lot of comedic actors get lost in this world of Hollywood and all this stuff. They lose what brought them there in the first place. I'm very trepidatious about it.


Reciting lines is hard; making stuff up is much, much easier.


Privacy is big for me. To do interviews even, I have a very love/hate with it.


It's not good for comedy to be like, 'Thanks for liking me.' Being popular is poison.


I'm not versed enough in constitutional law to run for office. I'd have to go back to school or something.