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Bill Engvall Quotes - IQDb - Internet Quotes Database

Quotes from Bill Engvall


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My favorite road trip ever is when my wife and I took an RV around the country. We just had the best time.


When 'Blue Collar TV' was on the 'WB,' we were their second-highest rated show, but they didn't know what to do with us. They had 'Reba,' which was number one, and we were number two, and they didn't want to be known as the hayseed network, so they kind of dropped us, even though we were pulling great numbers.


If you lived next door to me and didn't know what I did, you wouldn't know I was a celebrity. I don't have that lifestyle, nor do I want that lifestyle. I want to know that I can have a separate life with my wife and my kids and just be normal and go camping and fishing and outdoor stuff.


I travel fairly lightly because you have to these days. I always take a laptop and an iPod so I can watch movies and listen to music. And my Gameboy. That's a good time-killer.


I learned that you don't take dishes from the table to the dishwasher; you have to rinse them first. I think that's stupid because I don't go out in the back yard and hose off before taking a shower.


Standup is a form of therapy. It is OK to tell problems to your audience as long as you are being honest and not boring them. I tell them that I am saving $75 an hour when I talk to them instead of a therapist.


People all over are finding themselves in jobs they never thought they'd be in.


Now people live into their 90s and beyond. As long as I have quality of life, I'm good.


No sooner my kids leave their friends than they start texting them. And it's all in code in a language I totally don't understand.


My goal is for 'The Bill Engvall Show' to be a show the networks look at and say, 'Ooh, maybe we should get back to the family sitcom.'


People are trying to figure out how to pay bills and make ends meet. They don't want to turn on the TV and say, 'What is this crap?'


My belief is that if we take away that right to bear arms, the only people that are going to have them are... the ones breaking into your house.


Left to my own vices, all I would own is a Corvette, and it would be broken down.


Jay Leno told me once, 'Don't do jokes about things you don't know about.'


It's fun being Bill Engvall.


In syndication, the biggest buyers are car dealerships.


If you watch the 'Blue Collar Tour,' I was probably the least redneck of everybody.


I've really got no complaints.


I've never said I was the best dancer, and I never said I was a good dancer.


I've learned in my older age that sexy gets you further than brains.