Quotes from Karl Pilkington


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But I'm not an idiot. At the end of the day, I've learned a lot.


I don't know what 'famous' is, really.


I'd rather live in a cave with a view of a palace than live in a palace with a view of a cave.


Parrots have gone a bit quiet since pirates have gone.


When I go on holiday and people ask me what I do, I tell them I do some internet stuff and I've done a couple of books and I hope they just leave it at that.


Everyone is living for everyone else now. They're doing stuff so they can tell other people about it. I don't get all that social media stuff, I've always got other things I want to do - odd jobs around the house. No one wants to hear about that.


If you sit in a bath of pineapple chunks, it can kill you. That's well documented.


I'm not that lazy, but I don't need that much money. I lead a fairly simple life.


Being honest with you, it's not the 'great' wall of China. It's an all right wall. It's the 'All Right Wall of China.'


They say it all started out with a big bang. But, what I wonder is, was it a big bang or did it just seem big because there wasn't anything else drown it out at the time?


People who live in a glass house have to answer the door.


I sometimes wonder how we're short of cod. There's gonna be a load deep down that are hiding. But it's a good reason to put the price up, and it means a load of people will have haddock. They should tell people they're running out of all sorts. Make 'em panic a bit.


At the end of the day, teachers aren't going to mess about trying to make me into an Einstein, 'cause it was never gonna happen. We can't all be brainy, can we? That's just the way the world is.


You can only live to be so old, then you gotta let go.


The poorer people and criminals of Mexico who are not very religious but not quite atheists, either, worship Saint Death.


Yesterday, I did some painting then went out to buy an onion and came home and watched 'University Challenge.' The onion was probably the highlight.


I've learnt that, even though I've travelled about, I haven't changed that much.


When you've been on a programme called 'An Idiot Abroad' job offers aren't exactly flying in.


People eat duck and you think, well, we've got loads of chickens, leave the ducks alone!


I came face-to-face with a gorilla which was quite good, but it was a 10-hour trek in bad weather, up hills, covered in mud, with mosquitoes everywhere and when we got there the gorilla's just sat there doing nowt.