Quotes from J. B. Smoove


Sorted by Popularity


I have big hands. I can't do the touch-screen thing. I'm a button guy. I want to press buttons.


Mel Gibson is losing it. I don't know how people still supporting this dude's movies like it's all good. That dude is nuts. All you gotta do is shut him down and don't support any of his movies.


I'm afraid one thing - I don't like heights. Heights bug me out. I'm not cool with heights. I refuse to do a comedy show 12 stories up. I'm fearless about everything else.


I wouldn't want to be someone's roommate, that's for sure. You can't do certain things: you can't leave the bathroom door open... you can't put your feet on the couch, you can't hide stuff in the couch.


I have my website, The Ruckus, which is an Internet site, similar to the Funny or Die format, where people post funny videos. I get a chance to rate their videos; they get a chance to blog and kick it with me.


My wife is a vegetarian. When my wife is with me, I eat vegetarian. When she's not, I eat meat. I'm just being honest.


My life is gardening, cleaning around the house and power washing.


I steal scenes, I steal opportunities. I am the ultimate thief. I got sticky fingers, man. They all call me The Thief.


I am addicted to hockey now. I've seen it on TV, but to be there? I had no idea that white people were having so much fun without me.


It's an ongoing joke that a black man is always the first one to get killed in movies.


Police blog or entertainment news, it's just good to see your name in print.


I'm big on facial expressions, and I'm big on mannerisms, which I find to be hilarious.


'The ruckus' is different experiences you go through throughout your life which builds your ruckus points up - your tolerance. You've got to have a high tolerance for dealing with stuff all the time.


Live TV has an amazing pace to it. You've got to be able to think quick, make changes last minute, and be funny and fast.


I'm sure back in the Greek days or the Roman Empire days, when guys fought in arenas and were fighting lions, people were talking smack. Every era in history has someone talking smack. No way you can have talent and not proclaim your victory.


You turn hotdogs with tongs. Don't you ever use those tongs on a hamburger.


I should be European, man. I'm long and lean. I'd look good in a trench coat.


You know how you put peanut butter on a piece of bread and the bread falls - it never falls on the bread side down, it always falls peanut butter side down. That's because of gravity.


You got to start by doing little things if your quest is to take over the world.


I drive a big Dodge truck. I drive American cars.