My wife said to me: 'If you won the lottery, would you still love me?' I said: 'Of course I would. I'd miss you, but I'd still love you.'

- Frank Carson

What's the difference between my wife and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.

- Frank Carson

I don't think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.

- Frank Carson

Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?

- Frank Carson

My idea for peace in the Middle East is to go back to the 1966 line, but to build even more houses for the Palestinians, who are a poor people.

- Frank Carson

So I rang up British Telecom, I said 'I want to report a nuisance caller', he said 'Not you again'.

- Frank Carson

The thirties were troublesome in Belfast, and then of course there was no work for people, and it was terribly religiously divided.

- Frank Carson

People in Northern Ireland vote for their church, they don't vote with their heads; it is ridiculous.

- Frank Carson

America has only 100 Senators for 309 million people, but Stormont has 108 members for 1.7 million.

- Frank Carson

I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man.

- Frank Carson

It's never occurred to me to worry about my health, or that I'll get old, or that people will stop laughing at me.

- Frank Carson

Most of my jokes are racist - usually about the Irish.

- Frank Carson