I have no trouble with y enemies. But my god damn friends... they are the ones that keep me walking the floors at night.

- Oscar Levant

Once Dwight Eisenhower makes up his mind, he's full of indecision.

- Oscar Levant

There are two sides to every question: my side and the wrong side.

- Oscar Levant

I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin.

- Oscar Levant

I have given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself.

- Oscar Levant

I don't drink. I don't like it. It makes me feel good.

- Oscar Levant

So little time and so little to do.

- Oscar Levant

I am no more humble than my talents require.

- Oscar Levant

I envy people who drink - at least they know what to blame everything on.

- Oscar Levant

A politician is a man who will double cross that bridge when he comes to it.

- Oscar Levant

Behind the phony tinsel of Hollywood lies the real tinsel.

- Oscar Levant

I think a lot of Bernstein - but not as much as he does.

- Oscar Levant

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.

- Oscar Levant

Strip away the phony tinsel of Hollywood and you'll find the real tinsel underneath.

- Oscar Levant

Underneath this flabby exterior is an enormous lack of character.

- Oscar Levant

Schizophrenia beats dining alone.

- Oscar Levant

What the world needs is more geniuses with humility; there are so few of us left.

- Oscar Levant

Once I make up my mind, I'm full of indecision.

- Oscar Levant

There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

- Oscar Levant

The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that the Democrats allow the poor to be corrupt, too.

- Oscar Levant