She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn't help wondering from what direction.

- Bob Hope

They'll always be an England, even if it's in Hollywood.

- Bob Hope

The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup.

- Bob Hope

Kids are wonderful, but I like mine barbecued.

- Bob Hope

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

- Bob Hope

When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor's Orphanage - he shot both his parents and moved in.

- Bob Hope

I have too much money invested in sweaters.

- Bob Hope

I do benefits for all religions - I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.

- Bob Hope

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

- Bob Hope

I've always been in the right place and time. Of course, I steered myself there.

- Bob Hope

You've got to be rich to have a swing like that.

- Bob Hope

If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it.

- Bob Hope

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

- Bob Hope

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.

- Bob Hope

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.

- Bob Hope

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

- Bob Hope

Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong.

- Bob Hope

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom.

- Bob Hope

I like to play in the low 70's. If it gets any hotter than that I'll stay in the bar!

- Bob Hope

People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.

- Bob Hope