The reason I hate publicists is because I think if we got rid of them everything would be on equal footing.

- Adam Carolla

I don't know anything about computers.

- Adam Carolla

I'd never hurt another person.

- Adam Carolla

I was a horrible student.

- Adam Carolla

I'm a sort of nuts-and-bolts guy. I'm into turning wrenches and swinging a hammer and wrenching on cars.

- Adam Carolla

I'm a comedian, not a politician.

- Adam Carolla

I'm not a Republican.

- Adam Carolla

I'm like John Q. Public. I represent what every guy wants and needs.

- Adam Carolla

If you're conservative in Hollywood, you're on a list of people who need to be put in their place.

- Adam Carolla

No, I had not read any other comedian's book. Not that I don't enjoy other comedians; I'm just not a reader.

- Adam Carolla

People look at me, and they go, 'You're white, you're smart, you must have went to college. You must have grown up with money.'

- Adam Carolla

My mom was on welfare and the occasional food stamp, but I have never participated in any of those governmental programs, even the ones that kind of work like education, scholarships and whatever, and I managed to do just fine.

- Adam Carolla

The thing about a good podcast is you have to have a good host. If you don't have a compelling host then you have nothing.

- Adam Carolla

The very definition of 'beauty' is outside.

- Adam Carolla

You don't cruise the Internet looking for your name and walk away with a good feeling. So, I never do it.

- Adam Carolla

You should feel good about yourself because of your accomplishments. Not because somebody yelled at you to feel good about yourself.

- Adam Carolla

I cook a little bit. I make a Hungarian dish called chicken paprikash that's out of this world. I'll give a heads-up to all of your readers that it doesn't have to be between Thai and Mexican every night. Toss some Hungarian in every once in a while. You will not be sorry. Good, solid peasant food.

- Adam Carolla

I don't know that I appreciate things more because of how I grew up, but I am very realistic with what I expect out of people and what they expect out of me.

- Adam Carolla

I don't think healthcare's a right. The only right you have is the ability to go out on an even playing field and work, and then purchase health insurance, or whatever it is.

- Adam Carolla

I have feelings that are to the right, and I have feelings that land on the left side of the aisle. The thing is if you have 10 views that land you on the left side of the aisle and two views that land you on the right side of the aisle, then people just put you on the right side of the aisle. I'm not sure why.

- Adam Carolla