I have a group of friends in my life, and we all give each other something different. I've known my two closest friends for many years. One is a friend from high school, and the other I met right after college. My deep, deep friends remind me every day of the good parts of my personality.
The truth is, I like my body more when it's thinner. I have a range of jeans, and I'm happier in the smaller ones. But I don't have the same drive to get into those jeans. I'm not going to change my day to get there, whereas I used to.
I love getting baths and going to the Korean spas and getting pummeled and scrubbed, and its so hot in the sauna you can't even stand it. I have to do things in a pretty extreme way to calm down. So a Swedish massage is not going to do it! I need to know that they're in there with their thumbs and moving stuff around.
What does good in bed mean to me? When I'm sick and I stay home from school propped up with lots of pillows watching TV and my mom brings me soup - that's good in bed.
I hope this will help new moms not feel alone or desperate, and that there is no shame in their feelings. PPD is out of their control, but the treatment and healing process is not.
Everybody says, 'When you have kids, you really get away from yourself.' But really, it's the most selfish thing I've ever done. It's like, Okay, I'm going to create unconditional love for myself, and I'm going to need it and want it and ask for it every day, and I'm going to get it.
I suffered from post-natal depression after Rowan was born. I had a healthy, beautiful baby girl and I couldn't look at her. I couldn't hold her, smile at her. All I wanted was to disappear and die.
The difficulty of IVF or of any fertility issues is the hope and the shattered hope, the dream that it might happen this time and then it doesn't happen.
I was always with a single mom, and we never had schedules or anything. We were just Bohemian, us against the world, which was kind of great, but it certainly didn't breed security. I've gotten hyper-sensitive to schedules and bath time and eating at the dinner table. We don't just 'Bohemian' go out at nine o'clock and go get Chinese food.
My father's death, my move, and my frightening and difficult delivery created a tremendous amount of stress, pain, and sadness for me. I was practically devastated beyond recovery.
Someone said adversity builds character, but someone else said adversity reveals character. I'm pleasantly surprised with my resilience. I persevere, and not just blindly. I take the best, get rid of the rest, and move on, realizing that you can make a choice to take the good.
