I can open up any can of worms and get people upset.

- Andy Kindler

You tell me that 'Date Night' was good? I'm not going to see it. I will debate you on it, having no knowledge of the footage in the film. I was next to someone on the plane watching it, and they were dozing off.

- Andy Kindler

I'm not trying to do anything except entertain America.

- Andy Kindler

I would like Albert Brooks to have received the Oscars for best actor, best director and best screenplay for 'Modern Romance.' I love that movie.

- Andy Kindler

I will say that I wasn't susceptible to Tony Robbins-like pitches, even as a younger man.

- Andy Kindler

I wanted to like 'Up in the Air' - I like Jason Reitman - but Vera Farmiga left me cold.

- Andy Kindler

I try to go out for everything. I go out for any acting stuff that comes up, and voice-over stuff.

- Andy Kindler

I don't know what Tracy Morgan does onstage, but I can assure you, it's no act.

- Andy Kindler

I don't hate Dane Cook, but I am trying to go after people I think are capable of more.

- Andy Kindler

I don't consider myself a political comedian because it's so hard. It takes time away from me saying terrible things about TV.

- Andy Kindler

I did not sell Amway, but I sold Shaklee, which was an Amway-type product sold through multi-level marketing.

- Andy Kindler

You can't go wrong with pizza, unless it's terrible pizza.

- Andy Kindler

I came out to L.A. in '78 to be a musician. I didn't get into comedy until the mid-Eighties.

- Andy Kindler

I am the smartest comedian in the history of the world.

- Andy Kindler

I always had a tremendous amount of rage about the business, and I thought turning that into comedy was healthy.

- Andy Kindler

From 1987 to 1992, I was on the road for 40 weeks a year playing comedy clubs, and that was during the 'comedy boom.'

- Andy Kindler

'Ambulatory' is my favorite word to use because it never gets a laugh.

- Andy Kindler

I'm not really in Louis CK's circle. It'd probably be harder if we were really close and I went off on him.

- Andy Kindler

Nobody gets excited when they see me. If I put on my wizard outfit and walk around the airport for a couple of hours, I get a couple of puzzled glances.

- Andy Kindler

I'm not a confrontational person in real life, so I really don't wanna get into arguments or fistfights with people I'm making fun of.

- Andy Kindler