Quotes from Billy Connolly


Sorted by Popularity


I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination as I used to be.


I've always been fascinated by the difference between the jokes you can tell your friends but you can't tell to an audience. There's a fine line you have to tread because you don't know who is out there in the auditorium. A lot of people are too easily offended.


The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards.


If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?


I don't have wild dogs chasing people with scripts away from my door. I get my share. I've done okay. But I usually do independent stuff because that's mostly what I'm offered.


I started to draw desert islands. They were just rough, shapes in the middle of the page. Then I began drawing shapes within those shapes and I was amazed how quickly the islands got better. It took off from there.


Ally MacLeod thinks that tactics are a new kind of mint.


Behind the proscenium arch, you can't always hear what people in the audience are saying.


I'm a citizen of the world. I like it that way. The world's a wonderful. I just think that some people are pretty badly represented. But when you speak to the people themselves they're delightful. They all want so little.


Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet.


I don't believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I don't want to say I don't believe in God, but I don't think I do. But I believe in people who do.


I don't understand art-speak. My pictures are big doodles. I'm amazed what people come up with when they look at them. There's one of a figure with two heads that somebody thought must be a comment on the state of matrimony. None of it is a comment on anything.


I loathe hecklers. I haven't got a good syllable to say. When you come out of the club circuit and into the concert hall, they should be gone. There's an element of manners that should tell you that the ticket is dear and it's a different venue.


I don't aim to offend.


I still do my comedy and my performance stuff and my acting so it's not all-consuming. But I do find myself drawing more and more these days.


I loved Japan. I used to read a lot about it when I was a child. And I always wanted to go. And it was delightful. I absolutely loved it. What a smashing place.


The only time I would like to see was the 20s and 30s in America because I love the music and the style and the optimism, I wanted to see New York being built. I wanted to see all that, you know.


Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.


My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.


I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow; redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless.