Sometimes, comics will make the observation that it's not jokes that are funny, it's characters that are funny. And isn't that true! That's why I always kill jokes. I'm terrible at them, because I get the joke right, but I can't get the character right, and it just goes down like a lead balloon.

- David Mitchell

Another term for balloon is bad breath holder.

- Demetri Martin

Why is electricity so expensive these days? Why does it cost so much for something I can make with a balloon and my hair?

- Dennis Miller

What is success? It is a toy balloon among children armed with pins.

- Gene Fowler

God made man to go by motives, and he will not go without them, any more than a boat without steam or a balloon without gas.

- Henry Ward Beecher

I don't believe in publicity before a film is completed. It costs you money and wastes your energy, and you're inflating your balloon before you have a balloon.

- Haskell Wexler

We have a secret project at Third Man where we want to have the first vinyl record played in outer space. We want to launch a balloon that carries a vinyl record player.

- Jack White

I couldn't pronounce Arnold Schwarzenegger, so I called him Balloon Belly.

- Joe Gold

In the seventeenth century, it was held by some that inside a human sperm there was a minute human being - a homunculus - that was planted inside the womb. Development consisted of the miniature homunculus enlarging and passing through birth and on to maturity-just like inflating a balloon.

- John Tyler Bonner

I've flown in an international balloon race. I've piloted my own plane. I've ridden to the hounds. I've done a lot of exciting things.

- Joan Fontaine

If you're embarking around the world in a hot-air balloon, don't forget the toilet paper.

- Richard Branson

I'm not the sort of person who gives up on things. The first time we crossed the Atlantic in the balloon, it crashed, and we went on and did the Pacific. First time we crossed the Atlantic in a boat, it sank, and we went on and got the record. So, generally speaking, we will pick ourselves up, brush ourselves down, and carry on.

- Richard Branson

Every so often you have to increase your profile so you can let it lower again, like a balloon.

- Robyn Hitchcock

A man should have duties outside of himself; without them, he is a mere balloon, inflated with thin egotism and drifting nowhere.

- Thomas Bailey Aldrich