Notice: ob_end_flush(): Failed to delete and flush buffer. No buffer to delete or flush in /home1/ntptuqmy/public_html/quotes/includes/header_html.php on line 6
Johnny Carson Quotes - IQDb - Internet Quotes Database

Quotes from Johnny Carson


    Sorted by Popularity


    If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

    Life | Dead | Alive


    We're more effective than birth control pills.

    Control | Birth | Effective


    For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.

    Death | Hair | Grow


    I know you've been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvelous. It must be very inexpensive.

    Woman | Married | Marvelous


    When turkeys mate they think of swans.

    Mate | Turkeys | Swans


    If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

    Life | Dead | Alive


    People will pay more to be entertained than educated.

    Educated | Pay


    For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.

    Death | Hair | Grow


    If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.

    Life | Marriage | Spice


    Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.

    Democracy | Grow | President


    Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.

    Together | Bank | Arguing


    Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.

    Word | Filthy


    I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

    Health | Food | Sex


    New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved.

    Time | Exciting | Happening


    The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.

    Money | Freedom | Worrying


    Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.

    Work | Success | Health


    Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.

    Happiness | Hurt | Dentist


    My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.

    Success | Business | Hand


    If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.

    Funny | Television | Eating


    I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.

    Funny | Naive | Barn


       

      Popular Topics


      Popular Authors

      Authors On The News

      A Quote from the stars