Quotes from Craig Ferguson


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It's the beauty and curse of doing a daily show. Some days you've got nothing to talk about and other days Dick Cheney shoots his lawyer in the face and everyone is happy.


Late night is no different than making a film, really, except that it's faster, and if you do a crap one, you can do a better one tomorrow. Writing a novel and doing stand-up - that stuff is very similar.


I don't see my show as a stepping stone to something else like some people, who get a job then have a foot out the door looking for their next job.


I don't know now if I'm funny. I just keep talking and hope that I hit something that's funny.


I aim to please. I'm nothing if not a vaudevillian.


HD doesn't mean anything to me. It's a technical thing. It's like demographics. A lot of people know about it.


Don't ever rope me in as a late-night talk show host. I don't want to be one.


Other than the laws of physics, rules have never really worked out for me.


I have no ambitions beyond being comfortable in what I do for a living - and earning a living.


Is it really that important? It's just television, for God's sake. It's not medicine or something.


I remember talking to someone early on after I was sober about how I suddenly felt awkward at parties. They said, 'Well, you're supposed to. Everyone feels awkward at parties.' It's an appropriate feeling to feel.


I think that clearly it has an influence, to be coming of age during the punk rock era, to come from a difficult and sporadically violent background, to have been in and out of such chaos, I think it actually helps. But I don't know for sure.


I came to America, and I made good. It's an old story, but it hasn't been told in a long time. Usually, it's, 'I'm an immigrant, I came here and got persecuted.' My story is I came here, I worked hard, and it worked out all right. So it's still available.


I'm a terrible interviewer. I'm not a journalist - although I have a Peabody Award - and I'm not really a late-night host. What I am is honest.


If Scotland and America go to war, I'm afraid I've already sworn in.


It's very interesting to know what people are doing while you're working on late-night television.


I've been running my whole life. Running into bars, running around the world. But when you have a child, you can't run. That was a revelation.


I think comedy comes more from a low sense of self-esteem, and I certainly have that.


I got sober. I stopped killing myself with alcohol. I began to think: 'Wait a minute - if I can stop doing this, what are the possibilities?' And slowly it dawned on me that it was maybe worth the risk.


I think sometimes that people think brave means not being afraid, which of course it doesn't mean that at all. It means that you're afraid, but you move past that and do it anyway, do what you think is right.