When you're dealing with monkeys, you've got to expect some wrenches.

- Alvah Bessie

That's what the cat said to the canary when he swallowed him - 'You'll be all right.'

- Alvah Bessie

Maybe! Maybe! Maybe if your aunt had a beard, she'd be your uncle.

- Alvah Bessie

So, my sweetheart back home writes to me and wants to know what this gal in Bombay's got that she hasn't got. So I just write back to her and says, Nothin', honey. Only she's got it here.

- Alvah Bessie