When archaeologists discover the missing arms of Venus de Milo, they will find she was wearing boxing gloves.

- John Barrymore

My wife is the kind of girl who will not go anywhere without her mother, and her mother will go anywhere.

- John Barrymore

I've read some of your modern free verse and wonder who set it free.

- John Barrymore

You never realize how short a month is until you pay alimony.

- John Barrymore

You can't drown yourself in drink. I've tried, you float.

- John Barrymore

I am thinking of taking a fifth wife. Why not? Solomon had a thousand wives and he is a synonym for wisdom.

- John Barrymore

Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him.

- John Barrymore

Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.

- John Barrymore

I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o clock in the morning.

- John Barrymore

America is the country where you can buy a lifetime supply of aspirin For one dollar and use it up in two weeks.

- John Barrymore

Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open.

- John Barrymore

The good die young, because they see it's no use living if you have got to be good.

- John Barrymore

My wife was too beautiful for words, but not for arguments.

- John Barrymore

Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?

- John Barrymore

The trouble with life is that there are so many beautiful women and so little time.

- John Barrymore

A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.

- John Barrymore

In Genesis, it says that it is not good for a man to be alone; but sometimes it is a great relief.

- John Barrymore

Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.

- John Barrymore

If it isn't the sheriff, it's the finance company; I've got more attachments on me than a vacuum cleaner.

- John Barrymore

You can only be as good as you dare to be bad.

- John Barrymore