Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they've told you what you think it is you want to hear.

- Alan Coren

I wonder sometimes if manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things.

- Alan Coren

Since both its national products, snow and chocolate, melt, the cuckoo clock was invented solely in order to give tourists something solid to remember it by.

- Alan Coren

Television is more interesting than people. If it were not we should have people standing in the corner of our room.

- Alan Coren

The Act of God designation on all insurance policies; which means, roughly, that you cannot be insured for the accidents that are most likely to happen to you.

- Alan Coren