I try to just talk about human stories and what I think about religion or teapots or whatever.

- Eddie Izzard

I don't believe that competitions are important.

- Eddie Izzard

Well, comedy is a great weapon of attack. It's not a great weapon of support.

- Eddie Izzard

If you go down as a comedian's comedian, that's basically meaning other comedians are hopefully feeling that you're doing okay.

- Eddie Izzard

I wanted to be less well-known in comedy.

- Eddie Izzard

So the American government lied to the Native Americans for many, many years, and then President Clinton lied about a relationship, and everyone was surprised! A little naive, I feel!

- Eddie Izzard

I use a Bruce Lee technique: 'The way of no way.' He had the idea that he would learn everything, so that whoever he had to fight, he could improvise anything. The best way of starting a gig is just to not think of anything - to clear your mind, not in an empty Zen state, but more just to go on and see where you go.

- Eddie Izzard

I try to keep performing as much as possible - I just like to. I used to take huge gaps off between gigs, now I just like to do stand-up gigs as much as I can.

- Eddie Izzard

MAC gave me 55 lipsticks to test. These are the same lipsticks I got caught stealing by the police when I was 15. How ironic.

- Eddie Izzard

I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup.

- Eddie Izzard

Comedy is a great weapon of attack. It's not a great weapon of support.

- Eddie Izzard

I'd be happy to be taken as a woman - and that's what I was initially trying to do when I started throwing on dresses and stuff. But that wasn't going to happen because everyone kept calling me sir. So I thought I'd change the method and just start wearing what I wanted to wear.

- Eddie Izzard

My stand-up is quite good now, people say. It's just like a big conversation each time. Every gig is a rehearsal.

- Eddie Izzard

I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.

- Eddie Izzard

Animals in the wild are lean, and I think we should be too.

- Eddie Izzard

I'm a one-man idiot.

- Eddie Izzard

I just believe in the goodwill of people, the power of people to do something positive.

- Eddie Izzard

There was no religion in my life growing up. Did God invent us or did we invent God?

- Eddie Izzard

I don't know what it's like in the U.S. but immigrants in the U.K. do the jobs the citizens won't do.

- Eddie Izzard

If there is a God, his plan is very similar to someone not having a plan.

- Eddie Izzard