Comfort the afflicted, and afflict the comfortable.

- Finley Peter Dunne

A fanatic is a man that does what he thinks the Lord would do if He knew the facts of the case.

- Finley Peter Dunne

The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here.

- Finley Peter Dunne

Trust everybody, but cut the cards.

- Finley Peter Dunne

The only good husbands stay bachelors: They're too considerate to get married.

- Finley Peter Dunne

Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed be the facts.

- Finley Peter Dunne

Most vegetarians look so much like the food they eat that they can be classified as cannibals.

- Finley Peter Dunne

An appeal is when you ask one court to show its contempt for another court.

- Finley Peter Dunne

It don't make much difference what you study, so long as you don't like it.

- Finley Peter Dunne

The world is not growing worse and it is not growing better - it is just turning around as usual.

- Finley Peter Dunne

One of the strangest things about life is that the poor, who need the money the most, are the ones that never have it.

- Finley Peter Dunne

There are no friends at cards or world politics.

- Finley Peter Dunne

A lie with a purpose is one of the worst kind, and the most profitable.

- Finley Peter Dunne

Don't jump on a man unless he is down.

- Finley Peter Dunne

Vice is a creature of such hideous mien... that the more you see it the better you like it.

- Finley Peter Dunne

There ain't any news in being good. You might write the doings of all the convents of the world on the back of a postage stamp, and have room to spare.

- Finley Peter Dunne