Quotes from Elaine Stritch


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There will always be ladies who lunch. Always. And apparently they live a long time.


When I'm playing comedy, it is such a crap shoot of what will work and what won't.


I compare Stephen Sondheim with humor, because humor is unanalyzable. You can't analyze humor. You just have to get through it.


I am not influenced by other human beings. But I am inspired.


Diabetes is a lousy, lousy disease.


Audiences are not strangers to me. They're the best friends I've got in my life.


As a diabetic, I'm a walking picnic. I have to eat measured amounts of food at certain times.


This age thing is all up to you. It's like happiness is up to you. You just have to understand what it is before you get it.


I always say, 'If you can't give a reason for the banana peel being in the alley, then don't have the comic slide over it.' Do you understand what I mean? First explain how the banana peel got there quickly. And then there's a reason for all the comedy.


There's certainly nothing lasting and definite about the theater.


Fear is the base of what everybody does wrong in their lives.


I can't explain chemistry. I really can't. I haven't got a clue what it's all about. It just happens. It's like falling in love. You can't explain why you fall in love or explain why it's this particular person.


My movie career - if such a thing even exists - is laughable.


I love Birmingham, Michigan. It's lovely - you know, it's very similar to the Hamptons.


Let me tell you about those convents. All that crap about extending the pinkie finger while sipping tea is a myth. Convent schools are breeding grounds for great broads and occasionally one-of-the-boys. Convent schools teach you to play against everything, which is what I'm still doing.


You cannot tell an audience a lie. They know it before you do; before it's out of your mouth, they know it's a lie.


I have not had any of that surgical stuff. I am too curious to find out exactly how I progress every day of my life naturally. That is what fascinates me.


My idea of serenity - that wonderful word that everybody's trying to get into their life - is call-waiting.


You have to be very, very good looking to get ahead in motion pictures.


The closer a part is to you, the harder it is to play. Anything else is just imitation. If I'm playing a Russian countess, I get the hat, the accent, the outrageousness. Easy. Playing a murderess? Perfect.