You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

- Dean Martin

I've got seven kids. The three words you hear most around my house are 'hello', 'goodbye', and 'I'm pregnant'.

- Dean Martin

There's a statue of Jimmy Stewart in the Hollywood Wax Museum, and the statue talks better than he does.

- Dean Martin

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.

- Dean Martin

If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.

- Dean Martin

I'd hate to be a teetotaler. Imagine getting up in the morning and knowing that's as good as you're going to feel all day.

- Dean Martin

I once shook hands with Pat Boone and my whole right side sobered up.

- Dean Martin