If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer.

- Clement Freud

Breakfast is a notoriously difficult meal to serve with a flourish.

- Clement Freud

I think our police are excellent, probably because I have not done anything that has occasioned being beaten up by these good men.

- Clement Freud

Congealed fat is pretty much the same, irrespective of the delicacy around which it is concealed.

- Clement Freud